If only other men could see this same vision. My latest read has been “The Wait,” written by Hollywood professionals and happily couple, Meagan Good and DeVon Franklin. This expose of their union shares their perspective on how finding and creating the best version of yourself can lead to God’s blessings in your professional life, social life, and especially your love life.
This excerpt from Chapter 6, that illustrates how eventually, the “player’s” lifestyle gets old and can lead to a path of destruction of self and for those around them, really stuck out to me. God really has a way of showing people their actions, and this is just the vision I know many men need.
As I read this section of Chapter 6, I envisioned what God wanted Devon to see. I imagined bodies of women on the floor of a church aisle, between a man and his wife-to-be. That bride has to walk through a long pile of other women, just to say “I do.” And that was a powerful image to play in my head.
Men need to realize that playing the field, dating multiple women at the same time, ghosting women when you’re bored of them, not making themselves vulnerable and open to love, it all leads to the downfall of a woman’s emotions.
When you fail to be honest with a woman, she begins to doubt herself. “Was I not good enough?”
“Am I not attractive to him anymore?” “Was I too easy?” “Was I too much of a prude?”
And not only is she looking at herself negatively, she is also looking at men the same way. Why do you think women say all men are dogs? Because some haven’t come across a man who hasn’t done her wrong.
When you hurt a woman, you need to reflect on what is it that you did to her. Is her long term pain worth your temporary pleasure? Is her self-doubt of finding true love worth your high fives from your “bros” in the locker room for getting some? Is her late-night crying because you ghosted her worth the STD you’ll get from the other woman you plan on having sex with tonight?
If you cannot add value to a woman’s life, do not subtract from it. Because of your selfish needs, you’re endangering a woman who is capable of finding herself and true love, all because you want “that thing.” Like DeVon stated, dating without serious intentions leads to collateral damage to a woman’s heart. You’re dating her not because you intend on marrying her, but just to have the satisfaction that she does not belong to anyone else. Then when you’re bored of her, you’ll toss her to the side to find some new booty.
Dating selfishly not only hurts the woman, but it hurts you as well. When the time comes for you to settle down, you’ll struggle with selective dating. You won’t see a woman for more than an object because you failed to see women of the past through their heart. You won’t know what qualities define a good woman. You won’t know how to add to a woman’s life because you never did so before.
But you don’t have to be that way. When you meet someone new, offer to take them on a date where you get to see their personality, on a sober level. Learn to get to know someone for their mind and spirit, not just their body. Don’t initiate sex unless you feel that it is at that point in the relationship.
Meagan and DeVon swear their relationship was successful because they waited until they were married to have sex. When you’re having sex with someone, it can truly blind you to who that person truly is because you are looking at the relationship through a lust lens and not a love-from-God lens. So hold on sex and sexual thoughts for a while and truly get to know the person you want to date. This will help you see if this person is marriage material, or someone you can learn and grow from to have the potential to find someone else who may be marriage material.
But when you consistently date women with the intention of only getting them in bed, you’re also delaying your chance to find true love. Why spend more time, money, and energy on women you know are only temporary?
So ask yourself, “was it worth all their pain for you to end up here?”